What do you want to convey in your story? I'm not talking about preaching or moralizing, but the concept you want a reader to take away from your story. The theme.

Theme might be called an underlying truth. A foundation for the story that will help guide the story. A focus or center. It's not plot. It's not necessarily the subject. It's might be described as something important that the writer believes applies to the subject.

For example, in the Harry Potter stories, the theme is "good conquers evil." The theme in the Twilight series might be "true love overcomes all." These concepts are not stated in so many words. The writer shows the theme instead of telling it.

In a novel there can be multiple themes. i.e. Harry Potter books: "loyalty to friends," "hard work" and "perseverance." The Twilight books: "protect your family" and "don't give up on getting what you want."

Often authors have a common underlying theme for their non series books or book series that feature different main characters. One adult author I read comes to mind: LE Modesitt Junior's books often express the theme of "hard work;" so much so that his characters make me feel lazy. Yet, he's not preaching at me. Instead his characters believe in hard work and follow through and I become impressed with what they do as I read. Modesitt must also believe in hard work--just look at his number of published novels.

Resources

I recently read a blog entry on theme that makes a lot of sense. Novelist Larry Brooks. says theme helps a book be memorable. He recommends including your theme in your "What's your book about?" answer. Read more at http://menwithpens.ca/fiction-writing-story-theme.

Laura Elvin refers to it as the "why of the story" in this article on theme in short stories.

Now what about premise?

Some writers use the terms theme and premise interchangeably. Rightly or wrongly, I view theme as general and premise more specific. So back to Harry Potter: "a young good wizard will conquer the evil old wizard." A premise for the Twilight series might be "if her love is strong enough, a girl can even win the vampire she loves." It's the kernel of the story. Premise might also be described as the situation or the central idea of the story.

Jeanne Vincent has an interesting article on the difference between theme and premise. Alexandra Sokoloff talks about the premise being the pitch for the story. I like her approach. Read it here: http://thedarksalon.blogspot.com/2008/05/whats-your-premise.html

However, whatever you call them, these concepts are necessary for a compelling story. You may use them unconsciously as you write or you may have to plan.

Thinking about these again makes me realize I need to make sure I know what the themes are for my works in progress. I believe knowing will help me focus my stories and in the end result in a better project.

Need ideas on how to edit your own manuscript? Here are some ideas to try. First, let your chapter or manuscript sit for a couple weeks, so you can see it afresh. Read it aloud.

Do you . . .

. . . stumble? It may mean your sentence or word choice is awkward. Or if written in verse, that your rhyme is forced or your meter is off.

. . . hear the difference between how your characters speak? If not, try this--highlight all of each character's dialogue in individual colors, then using the color key, read through a single character's words. Does his speech sound consistent? Can you tell who is speaking without taglines? Do each of your characters sound realistic? Aren't lecturing? Sound age appropriate?

. . . see the setting? It may not need to be highly detailed, but especially in novels, the reader needs to know where the character is. (i.e. a child playing in a parking lot, or an abandoned lot, gives quite a different picture than a child playing on a playground, or at the video arcade.)

. . . use all five senses? Sight and hearing are pretty easy, but don't forget to use taste, touch, and smell.

. . . feel emotion? If not, perhaps your characters aren't quite alive yet. Show us what she is feeling, to help us feel it, too.

. . . doubt whether something is working or not? If in doubt, work it out! Don't ignore those troublesome spots. Check with other writers if not sure why it isn't working.

Check for . . .

. . . passive writing. Your biggest clue is use of ing. i.e. She was standing becomes the more active She stood.

. . . excessive adverbs. Are you overusing "ly" words? Instead of using a weak verb and an adverb to modify it, replace both with an active verb. (i.e. I walked quickly to I raced or I sprinted or I scurried.)

. . . weak adjectives. Use adjectives that really make a difference. (i.e. white snow tells a reader almost nothing, because snow is usually white. However, dirty snow or packed snow or yellow snow each create a different picture.) Don't forget you can use similes and metaphors occasionally, too.

. . . specific nouns. Don't be vague and you may not need to use adjectives with your nouns. (i.e. instead of He fed his pet, try He fed his dog or He fed his Great Dane. See how getting more specific, gives a clearer picture?)

. . . overuse of prepositional phrases, especially those beginning with "as." Actions can be shown one at a time and are often clearer, than trying to show two actions at once. (i.e. As Benny walked to school, he saw . . . could become On the way to school Benny saw . . . or Benny had almost reached school when he saw . . .)

. . . overuse of flashbacks. Flashbacks pull the reader out of the present action. Use sparingly. Consider telling the story in chronological order and see if that improves the flow of your story.

. . . heavy sections of black text. Reader's like some white space. This can be provided by using dialogue, shorter paragraphs mixed in with long ones. Breaking up narration with action. Eliminating unnecessary description.

. . . scenes that don't move the story forward. Sometimes we write too many details, when instead we need a brief summary as a transition between scenes. (An example would be the details of what a character had for breakfast, who with, and how long it took, when this really is just filler between the important idea he had when he woke up and his action to use the idea after breakfast. When Lee woke up, he knew what he had to do. After breakfast, he raced next door . . .) Ask yourself the following questions:

• Does this add to the story?


• Am I getting to the main point here?


• Will the reader care about this?


• How does this make my main character appear?

. . . clear transitions. These can be brief (i.e. the next morning), but the main purpose is to show we're not in the same place and/or time.

. . . a strong beginning. Did you start with the moment that is different? Did you start with action, not background info? Does your reader soon know what the main character's problem is?

. . . a satisfactory ending. Does your story come full circle? Is the problem presented early on resolved? (Doesn't necessarily mean a happy ending or all questions answered.) Did your character change and grow? Did your antagonist get what he deserves? Was this relationship/problem resolved at the right time?

. . . varied sentence structure. Don't always use noun verb subject order. (i.e. Dolly washed her hair and sat down to do her homework could be changed to After washing her hair, Dolly sat down to do her homework.)

. . . varied sentence length. Short sentences create more tension. Longer ones, a more relaxed feel. You can even have sentence fragments where the subject and verb are understood, not stated or use them for emphasis, i.e. CRASH!

. . . correct spelling and grammar. You did use your computer spell check, right? And rechecked after editing? And checked visually? Spell check can't catch "their" instead of "there," but it can catch many words. Your grammar checker can help where spell check doesn't. It is not an infallible tool--it especially was not aimed at fiction--but if pops up, make sure you understand the "rule" it says you are breaking.

. . . correct punctuation. A great favorite resource is Errors in English and How to Correct Them by Shaw. It helps with word usage and grammar, too. If you have someone in your critique group, who readily spots grammar and punctuation mistakes, ask them to read over your manuscript.

Weed Out Weasel Words
They are those words that just slip their way into your manuscript. Often they are used again, and again, and again. The examples below may or may not be a problem for you, or you may have others to add to this list.

really
finally
just
very
so
then
next
seems, seemed
began
that

Agent Rachelle Gardner has an even longer list on her blog at http://cba-ramblings.blogspot.com/.

Or because of your subject matter, you may use the same word over and over. Find other ways to say it.

Tighten
One well-published author, Peg Kehret, looks at each page and tries to eliminate 3 words per page. Pretend you have a word count limit per chapter or scene. When forced to reduce text to make word count, you often see unnecessary words or sentences.

Repeat as Needed
Make your changes, again let the manuscript set for a time. Sometimes it helps to print it out in a different size font. Reread it and see if more changes are necessary. Repeat as many times as needed. When satisfied that is as good as you can make it, take it to a critique group or do a manuscript exchange. After the critique, you'll probably be making more additions, deletions, and corrections.

Pay Attention to Comments
Pay attention to critiquers' comments that you receive frequently, i.e. show don't tell. If you have good critiquers, this is an indication you have a weakness in that area. Do your best to not hear that comment again by educating yourself to spot it yourself. If you don't understand what they mean, find out!

If you consistently get personal rejections that comment on one problem, that problem may cross into other manuscripts as well. Learn as much as you can about strengthening your skills in your problem area.

If writing an outline before you create your story is not for you, perhaps a story ladder would be a good choice.

Keeping track of where and when things happen can make sure you don't end up having Monday happen twice in one week in your story. It also can help you strengthen endings and beginnings of chapters. Plus when you make a change in a story that necessitates a change earlier on, it makes it easier to find the appropriate scene or place.

You may want to write a few chapters before creating it. Or you may use it as a mini-outline to write from. Following are several samples.

Going back over my story ladder for one novel, I added a column for main plot and subplot, which let me see how balanced the story was. I've also added codes or columns so I can see how often I mention a character trait--this helps me not forget some mannerism or habit that should be ongoing. Or perhaps it helps me keep track of something in the character's setting which is important either to the plot or to the character.

Sometimes the summary shows me that not much happened in a chapter. I can then ask myself do I need this scene? Is it moving the story forward? Do I need to strengthen it or combine it with another chapter? Is it in the wrong place?

Page numbers and/or word count show the lengths of my chapters. If most of them are a consistent length, except for this one long one, perhaps I consider breaking it into two chapters.

Use a story ladder as a tool for what YOU need to keep track of in your story. For a mystery, you might want a column for clues, so you know when you've revealed what. If you're writing a novel with multiple viewpoints, you may need a column to indicate whose viewpoint each chapter or section is in.

A story ladder or novel timeline can be helpful when you have to create a synopsis, too, since the basics are already gathered in one place.

"Show don't tell," writers say. But what exactly does that mean? "Telling" is talking about what happened in a story. "Showing" is putting the reader on scene. We are there while it is happening. It's like being at the theater and watching the monster break through the screen compared to hearing a news reporter tell about the incident.

How do you do it? By using the following. Not all will be used all the time, but a mixture can definitely help your reader be on scene.

• ACTION
Show the reader what is happening. Let them know what the character is doing. It might be some repetitive action he or she does--a habit--or just what they are doing at the moment and how they are doing it.

Not: Stephanie was nervous.
Instead: Stephanie ran her curled hand down the leg of her jeans and back up. The scrape scrape of her fingernails sped up along with the rate of her breathing.

• ACTIVE VERBS (LIMIT ADVERBS)
If you can't come up with active verb, use a thesaurus to help you find just the right one. The right verb can even give a sense of the mood of the action. We don't usually stomp when we are happy!

He raced or sprinted...
instead of
He walked hurriedly... OR He went quickly...

OR the passive form He was walking...

• THOUGHTS
Let us know what the main character is thinking. Give us insights into the main character's thought processes.

Not: Jared thought he should apologize. OR Jared knew he should apologize.
Instead: I guess I'd better tell her I'm sorry, Jared thought. If I don't, she won't let me go to Matthew's house. And then, I'll really be . . .

• DIALOGUE
Let us hear the characters talk. It will add life to your story. Three different people will say the same thing three different ways.

"What's up?"
"Hey, how're you doin'?"
"How are you this fine morning?"

• FEELINGS
Let us feel what your main character is feeling. This can be done with action, dialogue, thoughts, or a combination of the three.

Not: Elaine was sad she didn't get to go.
Instead: Elaine pouted. "It's not fair. I worked as hard as she did! Why don't I get to go?"

• DESCRIPTION
Let us see where and when your scene is happening. Don't forget to include other senses besides sight: tactile, taste, smell, hearing. Is this a contemporary story or historical? What you describe will let us know.

The boy shivered in the cold morning air. Ice had formed on the watering trough. In the barn the cow lowed. If he didn't get her milked right away, Pa would take the switch to him. He hoped Ma would have some of the salt pork fried up when he got back to the cabin.

• SPECIFIC NOUNS
Make it clear what you are talking about by using specific nouns. Three people squeezing into a Ferrari gives a different picture than three people climbing into an SUV. Even in simple sentences being precise is better.

She fed her iguana.
instead of
She fed her pet.

• ADJECTIVES THAT COUNT
Not white snow, because most everyone knows it is white. Instead dirty snow, waist-deep snow, packed snow all create different pictures. Don't go overboard here either. One well-chosen adjective is usually better than a series of weak adjectives:

The humongous dog...
NOT
The very big dog...

Examples using the above suggestions:

Telling:

I was alone in the house and a noise upstairs scared me.

Showing:

The house was quiet. Too quiet. The only sounds were the ticking of the living room clock and the pounding of my heart. I glanced over my shoulder as if I thought someone might be there. Of course, no one was. Why should there be? I knew I was alone. And then I heard it. A thump. Someone had knocked something over in the attic.

Telling:

Jeff broke his mother's antique vase and was in trouble when she saw it.

Showing:

Crash! Jeff stared at the shattered glass on the hardwood floor. Oh, no! He slapped his palm against his forehead. Mom's going to kill me! She's always telling anyone who will listen how the vase came from Texas in a covered wagon. And now I bumped it with my stupid backpack and broke the stupid thing.

Jeff bent down to see if there was anything worth saving, then jerked upright at the
tap, tap, tap of approaching high heels. "I'm sorry, Mom, I'm sorry," he said. "It was on accident."

Mrs. Winsted's mouth gaped open the moment she saw the ruined antique. "Jeffrey Andrews Windsted! Do you realize what you've done? That vase was passed down from my great-grandmother!" She grabbed his shoulder and squeezed.

Is there a time to tell? Yes. We often use telling for simple transitions.

There wasn't anything else I could do, so I left the room.

• Here, we don't want a blow by blow of how the person got out of the room.

After Leanne showered and put on her nightgown, she crawled into bed.

• The details of her shower and her nightgown are not important.

Winston explained his secret plan.

• If we've already heard his thoughts about his plans, we don't need a rehash as he tells his friend. Or perhaps this simple telling is to keep the reader in suspense; the reader will learn as the plan unfolds before them.

However, if you find yourself telling something important, such as a fight or the danger the character is in, resist temptation and share the gory details. Your readers will appreciate it.

Are you taking armloads of children's books home from the library? Are you perusing the titles in the children's section of the bookstore? Are you paying attention to Newbery award winners, ALA notables, or Golden Kite Awards? (To name only a few awards.)

Are you reading the books of the publishers whom you'd like to see publish your books? Are you reading books published within the last three years? Books are changing all the time, so you need to keep current. Books from ten years ago are not what publishers are looking for now. So what does that say about books from your childhood?!

If you're not reading, you need to be. Here's what a master has to say:

"Read, read, read. Read everything - trash, classics, good and bad, and see how they do it. Just like a carpenter who works as an apprentice and studies the master. Read! You'll absorb it. Then write. If it's good, you'll find out. If it's not, throw it out of the window." -William Faulkner

Many of us write because we love to read, but it's amazing how many people write, but don't read. We can learn so much by reading the writing of others. Some of the conventions of writing get ingrained into us as we read. Others may take more study. But who else better to teach us than those who have already done it?

When you read, note what you like. In novels, is it the fast moving pace, the depth of the characters, or how real the story feels? What in this specific book makes you keep reading? In a picture book, is it the way the text sings, or the humor? How did the author accomplish those things? Emulate the traits you like in your own writing.

Note what turns you off. Is it the lengthy description or the level of violence? Is it the high dose of saccharine or preachiness? Is it something that pulled you out of the story? Be aware of whatever stops you. It sounds obvious, but in your own writing don't do what you hate.

Read in your genre. Want to write early middle grade novels or mysteries? Read them. You'll get the feel for lengths of chapter, language, ages of main characters, types of topics covered, who the "big name" authors are in the genre, who the publishing houses are, and more.

Keep track of what you're reading, so you can go back to what you learned. I use a table in Word, but a spreadsheet or notebook would work, too.

Here's the info I keep:
Book Title and a brief description of the story, so I'll remember what it was about, including the main character's name and ~ age. If I know who the editor was, I add that, too.
Author - I also might note the illustrator.
Date Published
Genre - i.e. PB, MG or YA - I get specific, too, on whether fantasy or mystery, historical, etc.
My notes - This is where I write what I thought of the book. I start with short and simple (i.e. very good) then go on to say in more detail what I liked or didn't like.

I file each book entry under the PUBLISHER name. Publishers are alphabetical to help me quickly find what I'm looking for. I keep these entries in date order by publication date.

This above info is especially helpful when you're preparing to submit. Through frequent reading you'll begin to know first hand the personalities and quirks of publishing houses. I remember when one new house came on the scene--I read every one of their books I could find. Through that reading, it became obvious my novels would not fit in. Mine did not have the same overall flavor as their books did.

Read lots and lots of children's books to help you know what is already out there. You'll know many of the topics and themes by reading, reading, reading. You'll get an idea of what has been done, and done, and done. Knowing that, means you can write your story from a fresh or unique angle, so you're not submitting something editors are sick of seeing.

Consider focused reading. Deliberately search for books on your topic or theme. What makes your story different from those? If you find nothing on your topic for your audience, that's a good selling point in your cover and query letters.

Read agent and editor favorites. Been to a conference and heard an editor talk about books they love (these may or may not be books they've edited)? Read an agent's blog about books he or she has acquired? If you're interested in that editor or agent, you'll know better if they might be a fit for you once you've read what they like.

Here's what another master had to say about the importance of reading. "The greatest part of a writer's time is spent in reading, in order to write; a man will turn over a half a library to make one book." - Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)

So if you want to write, get reading!

This is expressed easiest by examples. The following, like the examples above, are not limited to children's books and includes current books as well as some classics. Mainly they are novel excerpts, but some are from picture books.

First lines
"It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen." 1984 by George Orwell

"I should of been in school that April day." A Day No Pigs Would Die by Robert Newton Peck

"'Where's Papa going with that ax?' said Fern to her mother as they were setting the table for breakfast." Charlotte's Web by E.B. White

"That fool of a fairy Lucinda did not intend to lay a curse on me." Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine

"He came one late, wet spring, and brought the wide world back to my doorstep." Fool's Errand by Robin Hobb

"I intensely disliked my father's fifth wife, but not to the point of murder." Hot Money by Dick Francis

"I write this sitting in the kitchen sink." I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith

"'Christmas won't be Christmas without any presents,' grumbled Jo, lying on the rug." Little Women by Louisa May Alcott

"In an old house in Paris that was covered in vines lived twelve little girls in two straight lines." Madeline, by Ludwig Bemelmans

"When May died, Ob came back to the trailor, got out of his good suit and into his regular clothes, then went and sat in the Chevy for the rest of the night." Missing May by Cynthia Rylant

"All children, except one, grow up." Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie

"I was fourteen the summer Mama took off for the Birdcage Collectors' Convention and had ourselves what is now know in this town as the Adrienne Dabney Incident." send me down a miracle by Han Nolan

"Marylou loved everything about Herbie--how his slime trail glistened in the dark, how he could squeeze inside the cellar window, how he always found the juiciest tomato." Slug in Love by Susan Pearson

"NOTICE
Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot." The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain

"If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but..." The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger

"They had tried to destroy the Will, but that proved to be beyond their power." The Keys to the Kingdom by Garth Nix

"Mrs. Eva Marie Olinski always gave good answers." The View From Saturday by E.L. Konigsburg

"Thunder Bunny was a surprise." Thunder Bunny by Barbara Helen Berger

"'Take my camel, dear,' said my Aunt Dot, as she climbed down from this animal on her return from High Mass." Towers of Trebizond by Rose Macaulay

Reaction

What I find in common will all these lines is they get a reaction from me. Sometimes it's a double-take of "huh?" Other times it makes me want to know more about either the character or what is happening. Sometimes they make me laugh. Or sympathize. It may be that the language or cadence itself has appeal. But all of them make me want to read on. I've been hooked!

How to Build Your Own Good First Line

It's doubtful that the very first line you write will be the one that stays as the first line of your book, especially for novel length works. I've had them be ripped out entirely, rewritten dozens and dozens of time, moved to a later chapter. I've also written most of the book and come back and created a new opening when I knew more about my characters.

Here are the categories from the previous post (thought they may be restated) plus some additional ideas to get you thinking of what might work best for your story..

• Appeal to the Ear. Make the words attractive sounding.
• Establish setting. This often will let us know time period - contemporary story, historical, rural, city, etc.
• Foreshadow. Hint at the problem or action to come.
• Generate questions for the reader. "How can that be?"
• Look back before the present story actually begins. This should probably be brief.
• Present the protagonist and/or antagonist. Show something of your character in the first line.
• Present the victim. This most likely will apply to a mystery.
• Raise the curtain on the action. Begin your story at the moment something goes wrong or the moment that is different.
• Set the tone of the book. Is your story going to be a comedy, a mystery, or ?
• Shock or surprise the reader. It may be something that surprises the reader or be a juxtaposition of ideas that are normally not put together.
• Start with dialogue (internal or external). Let us hear your character talking or thinking.
• State motive. Why is this character choosing this action?
• Upset stereotypical images. Describe something/someone unusual or out of the ordinary. Express something in a new way.

Of course, some openings will fit in multiple categories.

Try openings a number of different ways. Set them aside. What one "haunts" you? What one do you keep thinking about? If none do, maybe you need to come at it from another direction. Find one that seems to express your story the best.

Test it, or several versions, on listeners. Try it with other writers, with children of the appropriate audience age. Ask them to answer the simple question "Does it make you want to read on?"

What if this just doesn't work for you?

Don't panic. Not all good books start with a compelling first line. Some begin more slowly. It's the first paragraph or first page that reels the reader in. If that's more your style, I suggest you study book openings that do that and see what they have in common.

Hooks get the reader ...

• interested
• oriented, or
• let the reader know what to expect from the book as a whole

Hooks/openings can...

Appeal to the Ear

It was a quiet night until...
Thunk, creak, & knock, knock, knock!
Someone is out there!
But who? Jackie Urbanovic, Duck at the Door

In Sooey, South Dakota
In a sloppy, stuffy, sty,
There's an itchy ol' straw bed
Where the Bed Hogs pile high. Kelly S. DiPuchhio, Bed Hogs

"Ba-room, ba-room, ba-room, baripity, baripity, baripity, baripity--Good. His dad had the pickup going." Katherine Paterson, Bridge to Terebithia

Establish setting

"The temperature of the room dropped fast. Ice formed not he curtains and crusted thickly around the lights in the ceiling." Jonathan Stroud, The Amulet of Samarkand (The Bartimaeus Trilogy, Book 1)

"In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort." J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

"Korea, fifteenth century." Linda Sue Park, The Kite Fighters

Foreshadow

"Which would you rather be, fat or dead?" Cherie Bennett, Life in the Fat Lane

"When I left my office that beautiful spring day, I had no idea what was in store for me. To begin with, everything was too perfect for anything unusual to happen." Wilson Rawls, Where the Red Fern Grows

Generate questions for the reader

"It was a pleasure to burn." Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451

"This is my favorite book in all the world, though I have never read it." William Goldman, The Princess Bride

Look back before the present story actually begins

"Here is James Henry Trotter when he was about four years old. Up until this time, he had had a happy life, living peacefully with his mother and father in a beautiful house beside the sea." Roald Dahl, James and the Giant Peach

"For as long as she could remember it had been the two of them. 'Me and Daddy. Daddy and me.'" Norma Fox Mazer, Taking Terri Mueller

Present the protagonist and/or antagonist

"I'm the kind of person who loves being thrilled by a scary book or movie." Willo Davis Roberts, Hostage

"I was born singing. Most babies cry. I sang an aria." Gail Carson Levine, Fairest

Present the victim

"The corpse without hands lay in the bottom of a small sailing dinghy drifting just within sight of the Suffolk coast." P.D. James, Unnatural Causes

Raise the curtain on the action

"'Hey, Killer! How's your boyfriend?'
"Juliet Dove felt her cheeks begin to burn." Bruce Colville, Juliet Dove Queen of Love

"Something was wrong. Kaeldra knew it the moment she awoke." Susan Fletcher, Dragon's Milk

Set the tone of the book

"I've always loved a good mystery. Like, how do they squeeze ketchup into those little plastic packets?" Bruce Hale, The Chameleon Wore Chartreuse, a Chet Gecko book

"The house looked strange. It was completely empty now, and the door was flung wide open, like something wild had just escaped from it." Edward Bloor, Tangerine

Shock the reader

"It was a dark, blustery afternoon in spring, and the city of London was chasing a small mining town across the dried-out bed of the old North Sea." Philip Reed, Mortal Engine

"Worms dangled in Aunt Jessie's kitchen: red worms swarming over a lump of brown mud in a bowl." Sharon Creech, Chasing Redbird

Start with dialogue (internal or external)

"Most stories start at the beginning, but I really can't say I know where that is." Sara Nickerson, How to Disappear Completely and Never Be Found

"'I'm leaving.' Dad stands above me in the living room." Lorie Ann Grover, Hold Me Tight

"'I don't even know what I did this time,' I say to my best friend, Harrison Emerson." Gennifer Choldenko, Notes from a Liar and Her Dog

State motive

"He chose the Lacey family at first because of the sailboat." Elaine Marie Alphin, Counterfeit Son

"I came up here to make a dead man change his mind." Hake Talbot, Rim of the Pit

Upset stereotypical images

"In the land of Ingary, where such things as seven-league boots and cloaks of invisibility really exist, it is quite a misfortunate to be born the eldest of three." Diana Wynne Jones, Howl's Moving Castle

Unhooks!

• typos
• once upon a time - too old-fashioned and clichéd
• beginning with a downer
• trying to say everything in the first sentence
• starting in a place of inactivity
• describing irrelevant things in too much detail
• inadvertent mood switches
• baiting the reader with one story, and then swapping it for another
• a weak opening

I'd love to hear other suggestions on this topic.

Last time I'd sent my 23 year old daughter some memorabilia from her old bedroom, Rachel told me she read her middle school diary, then threw it away! Ackkk! What a lost resource into the mind of a middle school girl.

So this time when Rachel was here visiting from Boston, when I suggested she go through a box of "stuff" from her room, I said "no throwing away diaries."

As she read her 9th grade diary, she said, "It isn't as embarrassing as the middle school diary. At least I didn't focus on so many boys at once." But still Rachel said she was embarrassed at what she'd written. She summarized the diary for me: Bret, Bret, Bret. Kyle, Kyle, Kyle. Bret, Kyle, Kyle. And this girl, 14 at the time, wasn't even allowed to date!

One of the interesting things I discovered - she gave the diary to me - is that besides her sister (her designated driver), the rest of her family was rarely mentioned. Her life was centered on what was happening in the relationships between herself and her friends and the boys she liked. I think her dad and I rated billing along with her dog and her fish. No correct that: her fish died and it got way more words than we did.

Of course, now my daughter looks at what she wrote and wonders, "How did you ever stand me?" I refrained from telling her we'd lived through it once before. But it's been making me think. I'm working on a novel with a 14 year old girl as the main character. Now besides my own memories of that age - tainted by years - I have my daughter's diary to help me out.

More options are available to all of us today, however, than diaries. Teen blogs. Here's excerpts from several I found on the web. I've made no changes to the language or punctuation:

Got my last acceptance letter today. Now all I have left to do is to decide where to go, but this is way harder than I thought. I'm pretty much down to Berkeley and UCLA (maybe USC if my parent's are willing to sacrifice 40 thousand a year, haha, right.) What to do, what to do?!

So looking at Craigs List, the highest paying jobs for unexperienced girls like me is to become a starlet for Playboy, or adult actress-starlet. I do like money, but not the route to get that much money. So, I looked under the more innocent extras requested...

Yesterday I had a feast with my familly. First we had scarolli or somthing soup with meatballs and chicken in it. Then we had awesome raviolies with meatballs. Then salad and to top it all off we had chocolate dirt cake. Also i miss my girlfriend Sydney terribly....i had a dream about her last night...we were on world tour with green day, her favorite band. And then i saw all my friends in the dream in my classroom and we had a talent show and you had to vote who you wanted to be in it and all my friends voted me and I played Give E'm Hell Kid by My Chemical Romance and then All of Green Day's songs and then i woke up crying cause i miss my girlfriend.

Listen to those voices. And if you want more, go blog hunting on the web. Some sites are obviously written by adults - others give hints in the title that a teen wrote them. Take what you learn and put it to use making your own teen writing sound authentic.

• Don't get wild with attribution lines.
USE he said, she said / she asked, he asked
NOT she explained, he blurted
It's not that you can't use the latter, but if they are overused, they take away from the dialogue. Also, sometimes new writers use a word in place of said that isn't even possible. Have you ever laughed or chortled words? Said and asked don't slow the reader down. Readers are used to overlooking them.

• Avoid adverbs in your attribution lines.
Again it's not that you can't use them, but your dialogue should be clear enough that for the most part adverbs are unnecessary.

• No talking heads.
Dialogue should not be in a vacuum. Readers need some sense of setting--some idea of what is around the speakers and/or of what they are doing, which leads into the next point.

• Use tag lines which incorporate action.
Brian leaned against the front door.
Sarah threw her backpack onto the couch.
These replace the said or asked. Don't combine them, i.e. Brian said as he leaned against the front door, or Sarah asked as she threw her backpack onto the couch. The word "as" is a warning signal that you may be doing this.

• Make each character sound unique.
Is she wordy? Or does she use short tight sentences? What's his pet word? Is the language age appropriate? Is all his talk serious or hardly ever serious? Often, people's speech is not grammatically correct. One trick to check the sound is to highlight each character's speech in different colors. Then go through and just read one color. Does it sound like the same person? If anyone could say all of it, it isn't unique enough.

• Avoid or limit dialect.
Don't make your readers have to guess what the characters are saying. Yes, I know many older books did it, but readers today aren't as patient.

• Avoid filler words.
You don't need uh, um, well, etc. Often you can skip greetings and parting phrases, too, as they don't really add.

• Keep it age appropriate for realism.
A five-year-old saying, "I think it would be beneficial if I had an animal companion of my own," would not be believable. But how about, "Can I keep him? I don't have a pet." Yes, that's more realistic. This may seem obvious, but often beginning writers use adult language with child characters.

• Dialogue should put readers on scene.
It should make your readers feel they are there listening and watching these characters, yet not be like a recording of an actual conversation. We don't need to know all the inconsequential things that people often say in real life. "How are you?" "Fine."

• Dialogue should move the story forward.
No lectures. No here's all the info you as a reader need to know about this character. It should not contain content that no person would say to another, i.e. "Remember how my mom died when I was a baby and I was raised by my aunt?" Another warning sign is when one person's speech goes on a really long time.

• Add internal dialogue.
The main character is the one whose internal dialogue we are usually privileged to hear. It won't be in quotes. Some publishers use italics; if it helps you to see the thoughts, go for it. Sometimes the aid of "he thought" or "I thought," is necessary, but not always. The contrast between spoken dialogue and internal dialogue can really make your character come alive. Often we don't say out loud what we really think. Letting your readers get a glimpse of that will add interest to your story.

• Start a new paragraph when the speaker changes.
This helps signal readers that someone else is talking.

Using the above tips, takes this:
"Molly," Trevor exclaimed impatiently. "Where are your gloves?"

"Um, I don't know, Twevor," Molly lisped softly.

"Well, you can't go outside without them," Trevor complained loudly. "Your fingers will freeze and Mom will blame me."

"But I want to go," Molly whined. "I want to slide."

"Sled," Trevor corrected.

To this:
Trevor glanced out the entryway window at the falling snow. If I didn't have to wait for an annoying little sister, I'd already be flying down Hawkins Hill. He sighed, and knelt to zip up Molly's coat. "Where are your gloves?"

Molly shrugged.

Trevor frowned. "You can't go outside without them. If your fingers freeze, it's me Mom'll yell at."

"But I wanna go," Molly said. "I wanna slide."

"Sled," Trevor corrected. He dug through the heap of clothing on the closet floor.

See how we know Trevor is impatient? Trevor more realistically talks about Mom yelling instead of Mom blaming him. We get some setting and some action, and know that Molly is a lot younger.

Finally, listen to kids talk.
Your own are good, but even better are kids you don't know. Go to a public place and pay attention to the children or young adults talking. Not only can you hear the rhythm of their speech, but you'll be reminded of what they are interested in. Taking notes on what they say--not what they look like--can help you practice dialogue.

Look at the books you like. If they are mainly written in third person (he said, she said) versus first person (I said), write them in third. Either way, the camera eye view of the story should be from the main character's point of view.

Think of a camera riding on your main character's shoulder. The camera goes where he goes. It can't record his facial features or what other people think of him. It can't record what's behind him, unless he turns around. We only know what the main character thinks, experiences, sees, hears. No bouncing from head to head.

Switching viewpoints can be done, but is usually done chapter by chapter, or scene by scene, so as not to confuse the reader. And, of course, is more difficult to write and keep straight.

Try writing the story in first person. Doesn't mean you have to keep it that way, but it can help you focus. I have frequently take a story I've written and switched it from third person to first or vice versa.

Perhaps you are telling the story from the wrong person's viewpoint. If you keep wanting to be in the boy's head instead of the girl's, try writing the story with him as the narrator, not her.

Or if both are needed to tell the story, can you have them tell the story chapter by chapter, switching off between the characters?

Most books are written in past tense, but some are written in present tense, though it is probably harder to do and keep consistent.

Whichever way you go, keep your story as chronological as possible. Lots of flashbacks confuse readers.

"Meet the Narrator" by Jan Fields

Beginning Your Book: Viewpoint

"Characters and Point Of View" by Laura Backes

1st Person Viewpoint

"Today's the last day of school, the only day of school I look forward to. I grab my basketball and head to Mr. Glick's class." Stanford Wong Flunks Big Time by Lisa Yee

3rd Person Viewpoint

"If Gil Goodson was to have a chance, any chance at all, he would have to run faster than he was running right now." The Gollywhopper Games by Jody Feldman

Multiple Viewpoints

3rd person - Criss Cross by Lynne Rae Perkins

1st person - Remembering Raquel by Vivian Vande Velde

1st & 3rd person - If a Tree Falls at Lunch Period by Gennifer Choldenko